Thursday, February 22, 2007

The Unexpected Riposte

Now, let's see if I've got this straight: You're at home, doing whatever you do, and, coming from the apartment upstairs, you think you hear a woman screaming for help. You know you must act and yet you have no phone to call for help. Should you see if another neighbor is home who does have a phone? Run outside and yell for help? Knock on the door and loudly say, "Is everything alright in there? I phoned the police and they will be here momentarily!" No wait, I know: Grab the old Calvary sword that you've been playing with since you were a kid, bound up the stairs, kick in the door and demand to know where the helpless maiden (in all her glory) is being help captive. Given the right set of circumstances, you might possibly end up being a hero.

Unfortunately, these circumstances proved to be a guy with a Calvary sword busting in on a guy enjoying some "quality time" with a rather loud porn movie. For the life of me, I can't help but picture one guy, fully clothed, holding a sword and another guy, not so clothed, holding a substantially smaller (and getting smaller) sword. "Now I feel stupid," said James Van Iveren, who has been charged in the case. "This really is nothing, nothing but a mistake." The musketeer was charged with criminal trespass, criminal damage and disorderly conduct, all while using a dangerous weapon, and, together, the misdemeanor counts carry a maximum sentence of 33 months in jail. And by the way, James is 39 years old and lives with his mother......I expect he'll be grounded.

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